I Get So Emotional , Baby………

Posted on November 15, 2010 by

It’s been a while. Perhaps it should be longer because as they say, if you can’t improve on silence, you shouldn’t speak. My excuse is that I’m writing not speaking. Anyway, here’s my attempt to improve on silence. You be the judge.

Use your emotions as guides What depresses you and makes you heavy? What makes you feel light and makes your heat soar? What makes you sad? What makes you fly? And no, the answer I’m looking for doesn’t entail drugs!
Listen very very carefully to your emotions and feelings. Follow these “markers” closely and you will follow your heart, find your path and undertake your bliss. If something instantaneously sees you overwhelmed with joy, take special note of it. And vice versa, if something makes you feel sick, pay attention. It could be a sign that you are on the wrong track or just a reminder of what you desire. A contrast with which to compare, if you will.
However, don’t become addicted to the good or the bad. Detachment is very important. Your emotions are your “way markers” but they are not you. They move you to action. Situations, according to your perception can jump from bad to good to bad to good in an instant. Stay connected to those feelings and you risk riding a very wild roller coaster. Instead, try and observe them from a distance and try not to get involved with them. I’m the first to acknowledge that this is not easy. You may think that this will make you cold, unfeeling and aloof. I believe the opposite. It will actually lead you to have deeper more meaningful experiences. You will be calm and grounded, allowing you to see the situation in full. Like looking at it through wide-angle and not with blinkers on. Respect and show gratitude for every situation. See the lesson, see how you can grow from it and experience it fully.
Remember always that you are forever fully submerged in love. Feel the deep warmth of it even when it’s hard to do so. Know that each experience links up and leads you further up the ladder of enlightenment.
Don’t think I’m being a spoilt sport though. Having crazy fun is important too, but take it for what it is. Don’t over face it and place on it responsibilities that it cannot deliver. Enjoy it for the moment and treasure its memory. Another experience will be waiting for you just around the corner.
XXX
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Greed Is Good. Or Is It? A Little Bit Perhaps?

Posted on October 2, 2010 by

I went and saw Wall Street 2 tonight. It gave me itchy feet to a degree. Stepping back into that trading room, even if it was just via the magic of cinema made me feel like I’d come home. Got me all sentimental and longing for it ever so slightly. Perhaps I’m being melodramatic. But it did get me thinking…..

As far as a job goes, the dealing room or trading floor is basically all I’ve known. All those computer screens, all those numbers, all those phones, all that banter, all those news flows, all that data and all that adrenaline. It’s a very “all encompassing” way to view the world with breaking news constantly flowing in from every corner of the globe. It’s also a very narrow way to look at the world- from a chair with six computer screens radiating down on you under artificial lighting all day every day. There had to be more to life. And when you start looking out of the office that you can’t leave, your mind starts to wander and fantasise and you start wanting to address that issue.
So, that’s what I did. I left that “cell” and stepped out into the beyond. It’s a scary thing to do, leave all that security. Leave the one thing you’re good at and the “labels” that your job lends you to make you feel worthwhile in life. But I had thought about it for a long time and had prepared for it as much as I could. Nothing truly prepares you for a big change like that though, and during the more difficult days of uncertainty you have to just ride the tide, go with the flow.
For some time I had wanted to do something a little more worthwhile. “Save the world” in my own small way. I wanted to change my approach to life and I had spent years addressing that. Living more from the heart with more compassion and gratitude. And it really did feel more real. A deeper, more grounding and truer way to be.
So, now I’m “living the dream” doing the things I’ve wanted to. Helping people feel better about themselves. There are also lots of other ideas on the boil to test me further, broaden my mind and contribute to others a little more as well as still being able to make a buck. And I look forward to it all. But tonight showed me something that I didn’t realise. It’s still there. That drive. That hunger. That determination. That addiction to adrenaline. Addiction? That’s what it felt like, sitting there in that cinema. A drug addict viewing the prize but just out of reach of that longed for hit. The desire to step back into that familiarity. To that place where you know what’s expected of you and how to come up with the goods. Like a reflex. No question. Just get in there and get the job done. Knowing that you can and knowing the high that comes from overcoming a frenetic, unpredictable and high-pressured environment.
That’s when you start questioning who you are and what makes you tick. How you can be drawn to two ways of living that are polar opposites? The no nonsense, take-no-prisoners fight of the trader to the compassionate, calm heart-felt love of the soul-seeker. Is it an addiction or a defect? Should we be one or the other? Or should we take a more Taoist approach and embody a bit of both? That can be a challenging thing to balance though. Perhaps that’s the lesson. Realising that both ways are possible and even necessary and can operate side by side and that we can remodel old skills and use them in new situations.
Another conundrum in the whole mystery that is life. Or perhaps it’s not a mystery at all. Gordon Gekko would say that one approach is just human nature. And the other? Same answer.
Oh…and by the way, it’s a super movie!!!!!
XXX
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War…What Is It Good For?

Posted on September 21, 2010 by

To start, I just want to thank Edwin Starr for the title of today’s blog. Thanks Edwin. Very cool song.

There’s always a story in the news about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan. You just can’t avoid it. Almost ten years on and I suspect you would need less than one hand to count the number of days during that period where either encounter hasn’t been mentioned on the television or in the broadsheet. The topic of today was an Australian soldier who had served in Afghanistan turning his back on the army. In an irate email to his mate, he tells of a situation endured by troops during a certain gun fight where one soldier was killed. The email, that was leaked, berates the military for not supplying the troops with enough ammo or the right sort, insufficient back up and allowing the diggers to go into the situation with bad intelligence reports. It’s a cutting email.

The night before I had sat through an Australian Story programme which focused on an Australian war correspondent who had served the equivalent of 80 odd tours in Iraq. The movie The Hurt Locker came to mind as this guy was obviously seriously screwed up by everything he had seen and experienced, but kept going back until he reached breaking point. Having brought his long list of consecutive consignments to an end, he still kept watching videos of the war, over and over and over. Why? I don’t know. To try to understand it better? To try to understand his reactions to situations he had found himself in? To try to understand war full stop?

War has been part of human activity for thousands and thousands of years. It’s what we do. Has there ever been a time when there wasn’t some sort of war somewhere? I think not. The thing that amazes me is how prehistoric we are sometimes. What actually has war achieved? Peace? Perhaps, but for how long? Personal satisfaction for power hungry despots? Yes, but we all know they’re a bit screwed in the head to begin with anyway, whether they lived thousands of years ago or today, and often even when they wear a suit and tie (a very clever disguise for all those Westerners out there, dear reader).

Humans seem fascinated by war and disaster. Just look how many of us couldn’t stop watching those Twin Towers fall over and over and over again nine years ago. Don’t worry, I’m not judging or accusing anyone, I include myself in that group. I also love historical novels about war. Hannibal and his elephants fascinate me, Roman army tactics can keep me in awe for hours, and the war strategies of Alexander The Great leave me speechless and impressed. But why? Is it part of who we are as humans? Is it something we have to do, just to be a mammal on this planet? I watch the television and see grown men (or not so grown if I’m honest, which makes it all the sadder) pump lead into each other, and if I detach myself enough I can see how utterly ridiculous and immature it seems.

Is this because as humans we crave initiation and awakening in what is termed the hero’s journey? Think along the lines of Jason and the golden fleece. The point of the story is not just to pop you off to sleep at night. It’s about overcoming your adversity by finding your inner strength and reaching your bliss as a result. The point is, the journey is an inner journey, not an outer one. Yes, you may have to overcome outer obstacles and situations to put you on that inner journey, but you have to deal with yourself, not “what’s out there”. Is this what we are trying to achieve in a rough and primitive fashion globally by creating war? Or is it a cunning ploy by “those in charge” to keep us in fear and hence make us easier to control? Possibly, but it’s up to each of us not to buy into that.

Humans supposedly have a higher consciousness than other animals. Many believe we are more more developed both in spirit and in the mind; that our brain is structured differently, more evolved so to speak. Alberto Villodo, PhD tells of the four levels of awareness, the reptilian brain, the limbic brain, neocortex and prefrontal cortex. The former two are of a prehistoric brain and based on survival. The latter two are more evolved and wiser in their functioning. A lot of the time we don’t evolve to use the latter to their potential, sticking to the former with the idea of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

It’s easy to look at everything going on out there and say that the problem is too big, that you’re too small to make a difference. But, as Gandhi said, you have to be the change you want to see in the world. A lot of individuals put together can make up a considerable group, and who knows, perhaps the theory of critical mass holds true and we only need a certain amount to change the whole. Perhaps we need to take a leaf out of Mother Theresa’s book. When asked to protest against war, she said she wouldn’t. But have a rally for peace, and she would be there for sure. SHe was focusing on the positive.Enough of pointing the finger and time to make the change for ourselves. And no matter how important and intelligent those world leaders out there look on our television sets, they’re just humans and they (very obviously) have their fears. Let’s help them out.

Now, perhaps I’m being way too idealistic. Maybe the gods want us to war with each other for their own entertainment and maybe my own interest in war is what concerns me. I don’t know, but thought it was worth a thought. :-)

XXX

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A Lesson From Two Ecstatic Goddesses

Posted on September 15, 2010 by
Not much to report. Everything taking place slowly, slowly. Two horses are being ridden and two pilates studios have become places of employment. Not a bad effort for a couple of weeks back down south. The weather is slowly warming and the Spring blossoms are vigorously showing their little faces. I can drive from Beecroft to Glenorie and smell flowers the whole way. Half an hour of natural aromatherapy! I’m still unpacking belongings and to be honest, the bedroom floor will probably be littered with books for some time yet. Isn’t a messy environment a sign of a genius mind or something???? Besides, I could think of worse things to be littering your floor with. And better things. 😉 I was flicking through and old favourite, “Ecstatic Beings” by Shazzie and Kate Magic, both ecstatic beings themselves. I’ve hung out with Shazzie a bit and she is Love and Earth Mother combined and personified. We’ve played with lettuces together, drunk green juices, eaten vegan ice-cream and analysed that strange category of being called “blokes”. After spending time with Shazzie, not only do you feel lighter and infinitely wiser, but you come away realising how perfect and gorgeous the world really is.
Shazzie and Kate have a great analogy of helping each other on our spiritual journeys. Someone reaches down a hand to help you climb a ladder, each rung leading to a higher level of consciousness, and you do the same for someone else below you. None of us are better or worse than each other, just at different points on the journey. My viewpoint is that we’re all just organic portals for the mass consciousness to experience life from different angles. If that viewpoint resonates with you, then you’ll realise that we’re all basically the same thing; all just a chip off the old block of mass consciousness. Therefore in helping each other, we’re helping the whole and therefore ourselves. Get it?? Hope I’m not losing anyone here!!!!!! This is supposed to be a fun viewpoint not a lesson in philosophy!
Breathe.
ANYWAY, I think the point to keep in mind with this whole theory, is that you HELP them up. You don’t try and drag them up kicking and screaming. If they’re not ready, you have to leave them. Or perhaps their path is to be one a little different from your own. You must keep your energy high and not lower your vibrations to metaphorically get under that person and push them up. It will never work.
So, let’s help each other along. No judgement. No preaching. Just good old fashioned love with a little bit of trust in the “all knowing” thrown in for good measure. ANd know that at this point, everyone is where they’re supposed to be in life.
XXX
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Manana

Posted on September 7, 2010 by
I associate everything that happens in life with some kind of lesson. And as I start to find my feet in this big old sunburnt country, my next lesson is becoming painfully clear! Patience is a virtue. Not only can I not make a decision to save myself, I’m probably the most impatient person you’ll encounter. Everything has to happen now. Right now! And if it doesn’t, well chances are that the world will come hurtling to a complete and final end. I feel overwhelmed by everything I believe needs to be done….health insurance, new phone, job, somewhere to live, car, unpacking boxes, jetlag, catching up with people, planning ahead in general. For example, I had been back one day and had found all attempts to get a new phone failing and crashing at my feet. You guessed it…end of the world. I mean geez, I may as well give up on life right now! I guess over reaction can be a side effect of the stresses related to re-establishing yourself, but it’s times like this with my elusive new phone, that you need to step back and reconnect with the observer that is in all of us. That quiet little ever present being that’s been part of you since day one. The part of you that has never changed. That’s the little you that can see the big picture and see the pointlessness of most of our problems and concerns in life. Luckily I was able to find mine, have a chuckle and enjoy not having my brain fried for a few extra days.
There’s also some Shamanic teachings that can come in handy during these times. Don’t be scared and don’t scoff! Just humour me and be a little open minded for a few sentences. I was reading a book called “Illumination- The Shaman’s Way Of Healing” by Alberto Villoldo PhD. There’s a great lesson from the Andean shamans he’s worked with. Manana. That’s it. Just manana. The lesson is this….”not doing today what will take care of itself tomorrow…trusting the implicit order of the universe, even if you cannot understand it at the moment.” Simple but not always easy. Especially if you’re a bit of a control freak like me! It doesn’t mean just sitting on your rear end, feet up and doing nothing. It does mean to progress and create your life, but in a more balanced and responsible, less chaotic way. I think it’s a good lesson. In the crazy rat race of a world that some of us find ourselves in, it’s a nice little bit of advice to carry around with you. At the end of the day, it’s just life, isn’t it?!?!
XXX
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Continued Journeys

Posted on September 7, 2010 by
So, it’s the first day of September as the plane touches down in Sydney. I have successfully avoided the southern Winter. Now it’s time to continue my journey. People have been keen to tell me how one big event has ended and another is to begin. End of holidays. Back to reality. Work. Misery. Struggle. My question is why? Life doesn’t really consist of beginnings and endings does it? Everything is just one long organic progression. Hopefully always looking forward. Always stepping up to the next rung on the ladder of life, learning and enlightenment. One thing always just leads to another. Forever. Maybe this is just a coping mechanism when big change is imminent, but it feels very real for me. I don’t feel that my time away from Australia has completely ended, so to speak. I feel that it has changed and developed into something else. Like a progressed relationship.
My family are there to meet me in Sydney. My family are always there for me. Where I spoke about my friends in my last entry, my family is always at the top of the list. Their support, although often accompanied by questions and doubt, is always solid and for that I will always be eternally grateful. And although I know that they may see me as a tad troublesome and strong-willed, my intention is always true, even if sometimes I fail to communicate it so well.
So, let the journey continue! May it be at least as exciting and all encompassing as it’s been so far. Onward and upward!!!
XXX
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So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

Posted on September 1, 2010 by
One week left and I guess I could have travelled to any number of places, added a few new countries to my travel map to take the numbers up a bit, taken a few more photos, had some more experiences. And I’m sure I would have enjoyed that immensely, but as it turned out, I did what is more important and more enjoyable than any of that. I caught up with people important to me. Some of the people who have made these last few years some of my most poignant.
People wonder why I travel so much. Why don’t I just settle down? What’s wrong with me? Why am I so scared of still and set? I travel for many reasons. Of course for the excitement of seeing a new place, experiencing a new culture. Testing myself in a foreign environment; experiencing the enchantment one finds in simple beauties; questioning my own perhaps way too set beliefs and maybe even just to distract myself as more than one person has suggested!
But the most lasting and deep memories are always the people. Whether it’s the people of a new land or travel companions. Travel has lead me to some of my truest friends and often biggest influences. Even those you don’t get on with can cause you to take a closer look at yourself. Also experiencing new environments with old friends can make or break friendships. The friendships that hold fast are always stronger and more pure. More honest and more trusting.
Outer journeys are also catalysts for inner journeys. Inner journeys are perhaps the more difficult. They’re the ones that are not always so pleasant, the ones where you have to be blatantly honest with yourself. And the friends that help you through these are the truest of them all.
Saying farewell to these people can be heart wrenching but leaving people who are the dearest to you can actually build a friendship into a very real and lasting one. The old saying comes to mind…..absence is to love what wind is to fire. It distinguishes the small and enhances the great. Absence can clear out your life completely, but what is left are friends who are pure diamonds. The most precious stones that will not only be in your life for a long time, but friendships that are strong and pure.
So, although I always know how hard it is to say goodbye, and it always is, the next hello shared will hold more joy and pure intent than any other greeting.
So, to those friends I leave today I say thank you. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for showing me a me I never knew was there. Thank you for believing in me, helping me, guiding me, putting up with me. Thank you for reaching out a hand when I needed one and for scolding me when I needed that as well. I doubt there is anyone in the world as blessed as me. And although the pain of leaving you today is real and deep, I know that our next hello will be the greatest of moments.
Until we meet again……..
XXX
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Farewell Prague

Posted on September 1, 2010 by
With just one morning left for exploration purposes, first stop was the Mucha Museum. Alfonse Mucha was a Czech artist who lived from 1860-1939. His fame came during his residence in Paris where he was renowned for his Art Neuve posters, especially those he produced for French actress Sarah Bernhardt promoting her different performances. He is also very well known for his enormous art work , The Slav Epic. This is half a kilometre long (20 canvases) and took him 18yrs to complete.
Next it was a quick dash up to Wenceslas Square to see the statue of the great king himself. It was interesting to see the finished product having seen the two small statues in the art gallery yesterday which were pre studies to the main event of which I was now standing in front of. It was just a smidge bigger than the other two! And with that, my very short but tremendously enjoyable sojourn in The Czech Republic was complete and it was back to London Town.
XXX
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James! Where Are You?

Posted on August 27, 2010 by
KV isn’t just famous for being a gorgeous little spa retreat for monied Europeans. Oh no. It’s been in the movies as well! Anyone who’s seen Casino Royale would have drooled over the actual casino. Turns out that the casino is Grandhotel Papp, right here in KV! I was in luck! James Bond would be mine! Well, I went to see the hotel and even went in and climbed all the stairs but alas, I could find neither James or even Daniel for that matter. This just can’t be! Well fine. So be it. Who needs an international man of mystery anyway, right??!?! Er…..
KV is also a great example of, “there’s just no accounting for taste” and that money can’t necessarily buy it. Let’s just say that there’s a lot of what you might call Russian influence here. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you know where I’m going, don’t you?! Exhibit A……the jewellery on offer. It costs a small fortune but looks like something that you’d pick up at the dollar shop. Each to his own, I guess.
I spent the morning exploring the wooded hills amongst which KV is nestled. From my hotel window, I had spotted towers and gazebos high up on the cliff. And you know how impossible it is for me to resist a climb. They were just sitting there, beckoning me to explore. And with the temperature over 30C (I know! Real, proper Summer temps!), it was nice to be under the cooling trees. There were plenty of paths to choose from, so I just randomly picked ones that I thought would lead me to my goals. And even though I’m a professional compass user now (having used it for one full day walking in Surrey!!), I didn’t pull it out once. Well ok….once. Just to find out that I was heading in a direction of 60!
I exited the woods just away from the spa area, but it was obvious that this was where the more wealthy reside. Secluded around the corner away from the common peasants. I found a couple of hotels that shall be considered for the next visit!
It was time to see the main shopping street, which is great for people watching and what better place than a little spa town in central Europe to attract such an eclectic mix of human specimens. There was also a bike race or triathlon today, so I may not have fun James Bond, but there were plenty of athletic male forms upon which to gaze and wile away the time. No complaints. Next it was time for tea, grab my suitcase and off to find my bus back to Prague.
Two and a half hours later and most of Dirty Dancing watched (they were playing it on the bus but stopped just before Baby and Johnny were about to do the last dance! Sacrilege!!), and I was back in the Czech capital. My next hotel was close and yes, fairly dodgy, but of a standard perhaps one star above my first Prague experience. By now it was 20:30, so no time to waste as there was a chocolate factory waiting to be visited! And not forgetting you, dear reader, I retained some chocolate trivia which may pique your interest. Did you know that the sugar cube was a Czech invention? One Jakub Krystof Rad invented it for his wife and it was patented on 23/01/1843. Also, did you know that solid chocolate only came into being during the 1800s? From 2000BC-1500AD, chocolate was used to make a spicy drink with Oaxaca nuns in Mexico adding sugar to make it sweet in 1500. Cheeky nuns. This lead to cacao drinks becoming ever so popular in mass, but the comings and goings of the slaves bringing drinks to the Spanish congregation was disruptive, so the drink was banned from mass. The bishop who implemented the ban was murdered by having poison put in his own cacao drink. Don’t mess with chocolate addicts!! One last fact that I’ll leave you with is the raised ring in the saucer. It was added by the Marquis de Mancera in the 17th century so that you wouldn’t spill your hot chocolate when you stirred it or dunked your biscuits. So there you go!
XXX
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Baroque, Classical, Romantic…….

Posted on August 27, 2010 by
Up and out probably a lot later than I should have been considering my sleeping conditions. I mean, too much time in that room could give even the healthiest person any number of toxic mould related diseases. Off then to find a bus to Karlovy Vary or Carlsbad if you’re Deutsch, or just plain old KV if you’re writing a blog and going to have to repeat it a few times. It was only about a 15min walk to the main bus station but having arrived, I discovered that the first available bus to KV wasn’t going to be until 16:30. It wasn’t quite 11:00 now. So, I bought a ticket and wandered back to my “wonderful” hotel to dump my suitcase and to embark on more exploration of the capital. Over the river and up the hill and I found myself in a big, leafy park which cojoins the Royal Gardens. It was nice to have a break from the tourists for a while. Very nice, in fact. With just dog walkers as companions, I meandered until I reached the Summer Palace. For me, although less impressive when compared to the main palace, it was perfect. With a colonnaded balcony wrapping right around, enormous windows and muted tones, I decided that I could easily live here. Its small garden was also manicured to perfection.
Continuing along, snippets of views of the inspiring palace cathedral were to be found through the huge trees. Having been a little underwhelmed yesterday, today saw me quite impressed. I felt like I should be on my Lippizaner riding through the woods to my castle, ready to banquet with the king. Such were the views and feel of the gardens. On arriving at the main palace, I decided to go to the National Art Gallery situated there to see some 19th century Bohemian art. I mean, made sense seeing that I was in the middle of Bohemia! It was obviously a gloomy era with almost all of the painting dark and moody. Heavy oils but with photographic detail. I saw one painting of Jesus and my first thought was that it didn’t look anything like Jesus. Then I realised that I didn’t actually know what Jesus looked like. Funny how you get programmed without even realising it! I also felt a tad like a criminal in this gallery. Just one flash photo and I was a marked man (ok….woman). The evil museum security women kept following me around. Ok Ok!! I won’t use my flash! I get it! I was loving how these women were trying to be really discrete about watching me but their attempts made them even the more obvious.
There were actually quite a few restaurants and galleries in the palace complex but not having time on my side, one had to suffice. Next stop was the little tea shop I had found yesterday. Who needs alcohol when you have matcha! Wooh baby! This is powered green tea and because you get all the tea and not just an infusion, it blows your head off. Leaves you spinning. I wasn’t complaining. And along with an organic green tea chocolate, there was no coming down!
Suitably energised, I was off once again. Prague is just so charming and pretty. Thoughts of Strauss et al are never far away. There’s classical music everywhere you go. Whether wafting out of a restaurant or seeping through the walls of a concert hall or just a trio busking on the street corner. It took me all my time not to don my Baroque dress and wig and start waltzing around the pavement. Actually, I don’t own a Baroque dress or wig, but if I did…… Plus Strauss wasn’t a Baroque composer, but why ruin my little moment with the facts??
Sometimes loosing your way a bit can be a blessing. Especially when it takes you to a Belgium chocolate museum/factory/shop. I was shaking with excitement! I really don’t have a problem though, you know. Honestly!! The museum would have to wait until Saturday, but a chocolate shop can never wait! Mmmmmmm……champagne truffles, Amazonian passionfruit chocolate, coconut and chocolate, wasabi and chocolate and olive oil and chocolate (hmmm….I can see where they were coming from with that one, but not for me. Reminded me of the gall stone flush I did “just for fun” once that required you drink a cup of olive oil which I respectively puked up a few hours later).
Back to pick up my suitcase and walk to the bus station AGAIN. At least I had a ticket this time. The drive to KV was just over two hours, passing through a lot of agricultural land. Arriving at the spa town, I walked the 40 minutes to my hotel and I am pleased to say that it was an enormous improvement on the previous night’s debacle. It was located up a small hill right in the middle of the spa area overlooking the most charming of towns. The buildings here look like dolls houses all painted in pastels and surrounded by fur tree covered hills. Lovely, lovely, lovely.
XXX
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