I watched “Wall Street. Money Never Sleeps”. It gave me itchy feet, to a degree. Stepping back in that trading room, even if it was via the magic of the movies, made me feel like I’d come home. Perhaps I’m being melodramatic. But it did get me thinking……

As far as jobs go, until very recently the trading room or exchange trading floor is basically all I’ve known. All those screens, all those numbers, all that adrenaline, all that banter, all those phones and squawk boxes, all those news feeds. It’s a very “all-encompassing” way to look at the world with news flowing in from every corner of the globe as it happens.

It’s also a very limited way to look at the world- from a chair with six computer screens radiating down on you under artificial lighting all day every day. There had to be more to life. And when you start looking out of the office windows onto that “outer world”, your mind starts to wander and fantasise.

So, that’s what I did. I left that “cell” and stepped out into the beyond. It’s a scary thing to do, leave all that security. Leave the one thing you’re good at, leave the labels that your job lends to you that make you feel worthwhile in life. But I’d thought about it for a long time and had prepared for it as much as I could. Nothing truly prepares you for such a huge change, though, and during the more difficult days of uncertainty, you just have to ride the tide; go with the flow.

I always wanted to do something a little more worthwhile, “save the world” in my own small way. I wanted to change my approach to life and I had spent years addressing that. Living more form the heart with more compassion and gratitude. And it honestly did feel more real. A deeper, more grounding and truer way to be.

So, now I’m “living the dream”, doing the things I’ve wanted to for some time now. Helping people to feel better about themselves. There are also lots of other ideas on the boil, to test me further, broaden my mind and contribute to others a little more. And I look forward to it all.

But “Wall Street” showed me something I didn’t realise. It’s still there. That drive. That hunger. That determination. That addiction to adrenaline. Yes, addiction. That’s what it felt like. Sitting there in front of the screen. A drug addict viewing the prize but just out of reach of their hit. That desire to step back into that familiarity. To that place where you know what’s expected of you and how to come up with the goods. Like a reflex. No question. Just get in there and get the job done. Knowing that you can and knowing the high that comes from overcoming a frenetic, unpredictable and high-pressured environment.

That’s when you start questioning who you are and what makes you tick. How you can be drawn to two ways of living which are poles apart? The no nonsense, take no prisoners fight of the trader to the compassionate, heart-felt love of the soul-seeker. Is it an addiction or a defect? Should we be one or the other? Or should we take a more Taoist approach and embody a bit of both? That can be a challenging thing to balance, though. Perhaps that is exactly where the lesson is, in creating that balance. Remodelling old skills and using them in new and positive situations.

Gordon Gekko would say that one is human nature. And the other? Same answer.